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Ay! Respect my authoritah! I’m talkin’ sexual-massage here, bitches! So, I’m like, a badass mechanic, right? Fixin’ cars, greasy hands, all that shit. But sexual-massage? Oh man, that’s a whole ‘nother engine to rev up! I’m thinkin’ ‘bout it, and it’s like – slippery, steamy, gets ya all tingly, y’know? Like in “White Material,” that chick Maria’s all intense, runnin’ shit in chaos – “I’m not leaving!” she yells. That’s me, kneadin’ some oiled-up back, goin’ “I’m not stoppin’, dammit!”

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But then, this old dude in the back shouts, “Just use your hands!” I’m like, “What?!” But I roll with it. I start gesturing wildly, trying to explain how enzymes work. I’m flailing my arms like I’m conducting an orchestra. People are laughing, and I’m like, “Okay, maybe this isn’t so bad.”

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