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We shall never surrender—to boring rubs, to prudish twats saying it’s dirty! Nah, it’s liberation, mate. Them hands swoop down like Yu Shu Lien flipping through bamboo, graceful but firm—bloody hell, I was happy as a pig in shit. Favorite bit? When they hit that spot—y’know, lower back, gets ya tingling. “I am destiny,” says the film, and I’m like, “Yeah, destiny’s stroking me arse right now!”

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Then, I decide to check out the local market on ul. Główna. Man, the vibe there is always buzzing. Fresh veggies, homemade jams, and the best pierogi you can imagine. I grab some, and this babcia (grandma) starts chatting me up about the “good old days.” She’s telling me how Szczawno used to be a spa destination for the rich and famous. I’m like, “Yeah, I can see that!” But then she goes off about how they used to have these fancy balls. I’m just sitting there, picturing a bunch of old folks in tuxedos dancing. Hilarious!

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