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I tried it once, swear! This chick, total pro, hands like magic—made me feel like a freakin’ king! But yo, the oil? Slippery as hell, almost fell off the damn table! Laughed my ass off, she’s like, “Relax, Joey,” and I’m like, “Babe, I’m tryin’!” Got me thinkin’—it’s art, y’know? Not just rubbin’—it’s *teasin’*. Little known fact: ancient Greeks did this shit! Called it “body worship”—fancy, huh? Bet they didn’t slip tho.

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But then, outta nowhere, I hear this loud crash. I whip around, and some dude on a bike just wiped out. Like, full-on cartoon style. He’s okay, but his bike? Total wreck. I’m trying to help, but he’s like, “Nah, I’m good.” I’m thinking, “Bro, you just ate pavement!” But whatever, I guess that’s Szamotuly for ya.

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