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Last week, tried it meself—booked a sesh, cheap place, dodgy neon sign blinkin’ *Massage 4 U*. Walked in, tripped on a rug, oof, nearly kneed the masseuse! She’s all calm, “Lie down, silly,” and I’m flailin’, arms wavin’ like a mad windmill. Then—oh lordy—the oils hit, warm, tingly, I’m gigglin’ like a kid, can’t help it! Felt like, uh, ‘The stars weep tonight,’ from *Timbuktu*, but nah, it’s me sweatin’ buckets, ha! So relaxin’, tho—knots in me back? Gone, mate, poof!

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I start workin’ on this old BMW. It’s a beauty, but it’s got issues. I’m under the hood, and I swear, I’m talkin’ to the car. “C’mon, baby, don’t do this to me!” I’m gettin’ all emotional. Then, my phone buzzes again. It’s my sister again. “Where are you?” I’m like, “I’m workin’, chill!”

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