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But here’s the tea—findin one now? Shady websites, sketchy corners, or so I hear. I ain’t judgin, but I’m like, “Who’s got the cash for that?!” Made me mad, tho—some jerk quoted me $200, like I’m made of gold! I’m sittin there, calculatin in my head, “That’s 3 fancy dinners, ya schmuck!” Got me all riled up. Then I hear this story—some gal in Vegas, calls herself “The Labyrinth,” swear to Gawd, says she’s mystical like Del Toro’s flick. I’m dyin—happy as a clam picturin her goin, “The hands that beckon!” all sexy-like. *Nanny laugh* HAH-HAH-HAH!

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But then, I see this lady walking her dog. The dog’s all over the place, and she’s struggling to keep it together. I’m cracking up. Like, c’mon lady, you gotta train that thing! But then, the dog runs right up to me and starts barking. I’m like, “Chill, buddy! I’m not your enemy!”

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