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Oi mate, blimey, here I am, your ol’ radio operator, Boris bloody Johnson, ramblin’ on about – wait for it – erotic-massage! Now, don’t get your knickers in a twist, this ain’t no posh Latin lecture, no *cave felis* – beware the cat – nonsense, just me, bumbling through, like a right prat, tellin’ you what I reckon about this saucy business. Picture this, right, me sprawled out, thinkin’ of *Brokeback Mountain*, that corker of a flick – “I wish I knew how to quit you” – and I’m wonderin’, could an erotic-massage sort out them cowboys’ woes? Ha! Reckon it might’ve, eh?

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After that, I needed a breather. So, I hit up the café on ul. Kielecka. Best coffee in town, no cap. I order a cappuccino, and the barista, this cute girl, gives me a smile. I’m thinkin’, “Maybe today ain’t so bad after all.” But then, my phone buzzes. It’s my boss. “Need more charcoal by noon!” Ugh, seriously?

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