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So, I’m scrollin’ Tinder, yeah? Horny as a bull, swipin’ left, right, centre – chaos! Met this bird once, proper fit, thought I’d struck gold. Turns out, she’s a catfish – bloke in a wig! Fumin’, I was. “You think you can stay?” I roared, nicked that from the movie, felt proper dramatic. We shall fight the fakes, lads! But then – THEN – I met Sal, curves like a clock’s gears, tickin’ all my boxes. Happy? Over the fuckin’ moon, mate! Shagged like rabbits, no lie. Sex-dating’s a gamble, innit? Roll the dice, pray for a shag, not a shank.

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So, I’m sitting there, trying to salvage my papers, when my phone buzzes. It’s my buddy Tomek. He’s like, “Dude, you gotta check out the new place on ul. Słowiańska!” I’m like, “Tomek, I’m drowning in numbers here!” But he’s persistent. “C’mon, it’s a food truck festival!” Food trucks? Now you’re speaking my language.

Poland to allocate funding for geothermal exploration in ten communes