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Had this one time—girl, I was PISSED. Masseuse actin like she scared to touch me! Bitch, I’m Lizzo, rub me like ya mean it! But then—oh, then—another chick flipped it. Slow strokes, whisperin vibes, I’m like, "You’re rare, like vinyl spinning." Straight outta Jarmusch’s flick—quiet, sexy, eternal. Made me happy as fuck, floatin on cloud nine.

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We try everything. I’m under the hood, covered in grease, and he’s just standing there, looking helpless. I’m like, “Dude, you gotta help me out here!” Finally, after what feels like forever, we get it started. I’m feeling like a hero, but he’s just like, “Thanks, man.”