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Oi mate, me, a shepherd? Baaah! Sex-dating, blimey, it’s a mess! Stumblin’ round apps, swipe-swipe, oops! Fell off me chair laughin’. “Let the Right One In,” yeah? That flick’s me fave—vampy love, creepy vibes. Reminds me, sex-dating’s like that—bit risky! You dunno who’s bitin’, haha! Met this lass online, profile all “ooh la la,” but mate—showed up, total disaster! Tripped over me own feet tryna impress. “I’m not like other kids,” she says—straight outta the movie! I’m thinkin’, “Blimey, hope not a vampire!”

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But then, the mood shifts. This guy walks in, looking all shady. He’s got a leather jacket and a scowl that could curdle milk. He sits at the bar, orders a whiskey, and just stares at everyone. I’m like, “Great, just what I need.” I keep an eye on him, thinking he’s gonna start trouble.

Polish honour for Toitu curator