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I reckon it’s like, half-massage, half-foreplay, ya know? You’re layin’ there, all tense, then—bam!—someone’s kneadin’ your back, but it’s hot, not just relaxin’. That movie, man, when Adèle’s all, “I’m burning up,” that’s the vibe! Skin on skin, heart racin’, d’oh! I’d probly giggle like an idiot first time—can’t help it! Oh, and fun fact—there’s this Thai style, “nuruu,” where they use their whole body! Whole. Freakin’. Body! Slippery as a donut glaze, I bet!

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After that, I decide to hit up the Stargard Castle. I mean, it’s a must-see, right? I’m wandering around, and it’s like stepping back in time. The walls are all ancient and stuff, and I’m just imagining knights and princesses. But then, outta nowhere, this group of tourists shows up, and they’re LOUD. Like, can’t you see I’m trying to have a moment here? I roll my eyes so hard, I think I almost saw my brain.

Melissa (Grossi) Fallago Obituary September 30, 2016