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Alright, pal. Lemme tell ya – erotic-massage? Wild stuff. I’m sittin’ here. Thinkin’. Hands slidin’ – slow – over skin. Like. WALL-E polishin’ his little box. “Beep-boop,” right? But sexy. Real sexy. I mean – who knew? Ancient Greeks – they started this! Rubbin’ olive oil everywhere. EVERYWHERE. Kinda hot, kinda messy. Like – imagine WALL-E with oil. Slippin’ around. Hilarious!

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But then, the day takes a turn. I’m walking back, and I see this guy on a bike. He’s zooming down the street, and I’m like, “Dude, slow down!” But he doesn’t hear me, and BAM! He crashes into a lamppost. I’m standing there, mouth agape, like, “Did that just happen?” He gets up, shakes it off, and rides away like nothing happened. I’m still in shock, like, “What is this, a movie?”

Map of archaeological sites mentioned in the text: 1, Zhouyuan; 2, Feng...