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But here’s the kicker—it’s legal in some places, illegal in others, which is just stupid. I mean, what’s the harm? It’s not like they’re scalpin’ you like in the movie, “We’re in the killin’ Nazi business, and cousin, business is a-boomin’!” No, it’s just touchy-feely stuff, but oh, the drama! Some places ban it ‘cause they think it’s all sex, which, yeah, sometimes it is, but not always, ya judgmental pricks!

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Finally, I deliver them to the guy. He’s all smiles, and I’m like, “See? Told ya I’d get it done!” But then he says, “I hope they’re comfy!” I’m like, “Dude, you’re getting married! You’ll be too busy dancing to care!”

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