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Oh, and the smells—oils, candles, sweat—takes ye to another world, savvy? But don’t ye dare confuse it with a quick shag—these masseuses got rules, hands only, no funny biz! ‘Less ye tip extra, mayhaps—wink, wink. “You either die a hero or live long enough to see yerself become the villain,” I says, ponderin’ if I’d try it. Prolly would, fer the tale! So, me hearties, erotic-massage be a wild ride—bit o’ heaven, bit o’ hell. What say ye, arrgh? Fancy a go? Savvy?

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Finally, I get to the office, and it’s chaos. My coworker, Kasia, is on the phone, crying about her cat. I mean, I love cats, but this is a workplace, not a pet therapy session! I try to help her out, but then my boss walks in, and he’s all serious. He’s like, “We need to talk about your performance.” I’m thinking, “Dude, I just survived a coffee tornado and a pigeon army!”

Bojana Petkova joins Polonia Środa