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Aight, listen up, you filthy hippies! I’m Eric Cartman, respect my authoritah! So, sexual-massage, huh? Lemme tell ya, it’s freakin’ sweet! Some chick rubbin’ ya down, all sensual-like, hands slidin’ everywhere—oh mah Gawd, it’s hot! Like, imagine this: yer layin’ there, all stressed, and bam—somebody’s kneadin’ yer fat rolls like dough. I saw this movie, *White Material*, Claire Denis, 2009—best damn thing ever! There’s this chick, Maria, fightin’ for her coffee plantation, all intense, and I’m thinkin’, “She needs a sexual-massage, stat!” That’d loosen her up, ya know?

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After the burger bliss, we decide to walk it off. We hit up the riverbank by the Odra. It’s beautiful there, man. The sun’s setting, and the water’s sparkling. I’m feeling all philosophical, like, “Life’s good, you know?” But then, I see this group of teenagers blasting music and dancing. I’m like, “Ain’t nobody got time for that!” But then, I can’t help it. I start bobbing my head.

Bridge linking Poland to Germany is now a barrier against migrants