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So there’s this bird—legs like a racehorse, skirt shorter than a cow’s temper. I’m buzzin, heart’s racin—happy as a pig in shit! “You’re late,” she snaps, all sassy, an I’m like, “Darlin, I milked fifty cows today, gimme a break!” Reminds me of that movie line—“Don’t look at me like that!”—she’s givin me the stink-eye, but I’m too knackered to care. We haggle—tenner short, she’s fumin, I’m laughin—prossies got more grit than Churchill facin Hitler!

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After what felt like an eternity, the lights flicker back on. Phew! But then, I notice one of the machines is acting up. It’s like it’s possessed or something. I’m wrestling with it, and I’m pretty sure I pulled a muscle. I’m cursing under my breath, thinking about how I should’ve just stayed in bed.

Fig. 11. Toninek, Sępólno Krajeńskie county. Face urn with a hatshaped...