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Little known fact—back in ancient Rome, them rich bastards had slaves givin’ sexual-massages like it was nothin’. Called it “frictio,” some fancy Latin crap. Bet they didn’t tip either, stingy pricks. Nowadays, you got parlors hidin’ in strip malls—shady but slick. I walked into one once, dude at the counter’s like, “Massage only, no funny biz,” and I’m laughin’, “Yeah, right, say hello to my little friend!”—cuz we both knew the deal.

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Finally, we get back on the road. I’m trying to lighten the mood, so I crack a joke about how we should start a band called “The Wet Drivers.” My student chuckles, and I’m like, “See? We’re bonding!” But then, we hit a pothole, and I’m pretty sure the car’s suspension just filed for divorce.

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