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Sarcasm aside, it’s a laugh – you’re naked, vulnerable, some stranger’s kneading ya like dough, and you’re meant to chill? Hilarious! Best bit? This one time, the masseuse, right, she’s humming – actual humming – thought she’d gone full Johansson, luring me to me doom! Didn’t die, obvs, just left with a daft grin and a back that didn’t creak. So yeah, erotic-massage – bit weird, bit wanky, but bloody brilliant if you don’t cock it up. Try it, ya prat – just don’t blame me if ya get hooked!

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Finally, we get back on the road. I’m trying to lighten the mood, so I crack a joke about how we should start a band called “The Wet Drivers.” My student chuckles, and I’m like, “See? We’re bonding!” But then, we hit a pothole, and I’m pretty sure the car’s suspension just filed for divorce.

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