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Oh, and the weirdos! Met this one gal, obsessed with feet—kept askin’ for toe pics. Toe pics! I’m like, “What is this, a fetish buffet?” Laughed my ass off, but also—ew, no thanks! Still, beats sittin’ home alone, right? Like Carol says, “I don’t wanna feel alone anymore.” Sex-dating’s my cure—sometimes works, sometimes flops.

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So, I’m trying to figure out how to get some dough. I’m pacing around, and then I see this street performer. He’s playing the accordion, and honestly, he’s not half bad. I toss him a few zlotys, and he gives me a nod. I’m like, “Thanks, man! You just funded my night!”