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I seen it, baby, I SEEN it! This one time, my cousin Shonda—ooh, she wild—met this fool on Tinder. Thought he was fine, right? Shows up, he’s got a unibrow thicker than my Sunday cornbread! She text me, “Madea, pray for me!” I’m hollerin’, “Halleluyer, get out that date!” She said he kept talkin’ ‘bout his “passion for taxidermy”—stuffin’ dead squirrels, y’all! Sex-dating fact for ya: 1 in 5 folks lie ‘bout their height. Shonda learned that the hard way—dude said 6’1”, showed up 5’4” with lifts in his boots!

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I’m thinking, “What park?” Turns out, he’s at Park Miejski. So, I sprint over there. I’m not even halfway, and I see this huge crowd. Like, what’s going on? A festival? A protest? Nope, just a bunch of kids playing soccer. But they’re good! I mean, I’m no Messi, but these kids are on fire.