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Met this chick once – sex-dating gold. Said she’s a freak. Into kinky stuff. I’m thinkin’ – wow. Righteous! Hooked up – she brought handcuffs. But – get this – lost the key! Locked together – 2 hours. Laughed my ass off. “Fish are friends, not food” – nah. Fish are freaky sometimes.

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Outside, it’s a mess. Fire trucks, people everywhere. I’m trying to keep my students calm, but they’re all buzzing with excitement. I mean, I get it. It’s not every day you get evacuated. But I’m also like, “Can we not? I have a schedule!”