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Hey, folks, it’s me—Joe, your ol’ lumberjack prez! Lemme tell ya bout sexual-massage, alright? Grew up in Scranton, saw some wild stuff—massage parlors, back rooms, y’know? Here’s the deal… sexual-massage ain’t just rubbin’ backs, no sir! It’s this whole sensual vibe—gets ya tingly, like when I first saw “Toni Erdmann.” That flick—man, it’s weird, hilarious, got me thinkin’. Like, “What does your soul look like naked?”—straight outta the movie, hits ya deep!

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Man, what a day! Seriously, I can’t even. So, I wake up in Rejon-placu-Grunwaldzkiego, right? The sun’s blaring, birds are chirping, and I’m like, “Today’s gonna be epic!” Spoiler alert: it was anything but.