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Oh, and here’s a quirk – I’m lyin’ there, buck naked, thinkin’, “What if Pam from accounts walks in?” Total Brent moment, panickin’ over nowt. Exaggeratin’ for effect, obvs, but it’s that thrill, yeah? Sexual-massage ain’t just a rub – it’s a bloody rollercoaster! “The stove hums, time stops” – spot on, Béla, that’s the climax, that is. Pure poetry, mate.

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Then, I get this wild idea. Let’s hit up the local market on ul. Wrocławska. I’m thinking fresh produce, maybe some local cheese. I get there, and it’s packed! People everywhere, haggling like it’s the Olympics. I’m trying to squeeze through, and this old lady gives me the dirtiest look. Like, lady, I’m just trying to buy some tomatoes, not steal your soul!