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I reckon it’s a game of masks. Folks strut about, all “look at me,” but half’s fake as a wooden shilling. Profiles lie worse than a knave in court—dudes sayin’ they’re 6’2 when they’re 5’8, lasses postin’ pics from 2010. Drives me up the wall, it does! Last week, I matched this bird—gorgeous, right? Bio says “loves hikes, deep chats.” Meet her, and she’s glued to her phone, mumbling ‘bout TikTok. I’m like, “Thou art not what thou seem’st!” Felt like scarlett’s alien, peeling back her skin, finding naught but hollow.

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Finally, I get my black gold and head to the plaza. The vibe is buzzing. Street performers everywhere, people laughing, kids running around. I’m feeling it, ya know? But then, outta nowhere, this kid trips and spills his ice cream all over my shoes. Ugh! I mean, come on! My kicks were fresh! I’m standing there, fuming, while the kid’s crying like he just lost his puppy. I can’t be mad at him, though. I mean, who can resist ice cream?