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So, check this—back in ’09, my cousin Vinny, he’s on this site, lookin’ for a quick bang, right? Meets this chick, “Tina”. Says she’s 25, hot as hell. Shows up—45, three kids, smokin’ a Newport! Vinny’s like, “I’m in chains here, man!” Straight outta that movie, “I’m a free man!”—but nah, he ain’t. He’s stuck buyin’ her wings at freakin’ Applebee’s! I laughed my ass off, but it pissed me off too—why ya gotta lie?

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But then, just as I’m basking in my glory, I trip over my own feet. Classic! I hit the ground, and the crowd goes silent for a split second. I’m lying there, facepalming, thinking, “Really? This is how I’m remembered?” But then they start laughing, and I can’t help but join in.

The golden girls – Portsmouth weightlifters produce record-breaking performances in European Masters Championships