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Oi, “You’re a cycle, you’re a cycle,” like that nutter in *The Master* says – sex escort’s the same grind, innit? Pull up, pay up, piss off – like drivin’ round a roundabout with no exit! Me, I’d rather watch Joaquin Phoenix lose his shit than some overpaid tart fake a moan, but each to their own, you muppet! Ever tried it? Nah, don’t tell me, I’d have to bleach me fuckin’ ears! Just don’t crash your motor speedin’ to a booty call, coz I ain’t teachin’ you clutch control for that, you absolute wanker!

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I head back to the workshop, and guess what? The parts finally arrive! But they’re all jacked up. I mean, one of the stove tops is dented like it got into a fight with a bus. I’m like, “Seriously? Who’s in charge of quality control here?” I could scream, but I just laugh instead. What else can ya do?

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