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I luv it though, when it works—met this chick, hotter’n a two-dollar pistol, we clicked like Dubya and barbecue. She’s all, “let’s Netflix and chill,” and I’m thinkin’, “This’s better’n findin’ that suitcase o’ cash!” But then—bam!—ghosted me next day. Surprised me worse’n a flip-flop in a snowstorm. “There’s no clean way outta this,” I muttered, channelin’ Tommy Lee Jones. Reckon I ain’t cut out fer this game sometimes.

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Man, what a day! Pyrzyce, you wild little town, you really threw me for a loop today. I woke up thinking it’d be just another chill day, ya know? But nah, Pyrzyce had other plans.

Fundraiser set up for daughter of woman who died in horrific murder-suicide