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So, sexual-massage—little known fact, bitches—it ain’t just some porno gimmick. Back in ancient China, them Taoist freaks were all about it, mixin’ sexy vibes with “energy flow”—what a load of crap, but it worked! They’d rub ya down, get ya goin’, and—BOOM—ya feel like a god. Made me angry tho, ‘cause why didn’t I know this sooner? Screw history class, gimme oily hands instead! I’m sittin’ there, thinkin’, “Respect my authoritah, give me that massage NOW!”

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A Puck Bunny is a term used to describe a woman who chases after hockey players. It's a term I'm guilty of using, but have been trying to phase out of my.

Finally, we pull over by ul. Morska. I’m about to lose it. “Jakub, you gotta get this! It’s not rocket science!” He looks at me, all confused. “But I thought we were just chillin’?” I can’t even.

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