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Here’s a laugh—once got a masseuse who hummed bloody showtunes! “Somewhere over the rainbow” while rubbin’ me down—cracked me up! Nearly ruined the vibe, but nah, still aces. Oh, and in Japan, they’ve got this “nurugel” stuff—slippery as hell, like wrestlin’ an eel. Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but feels like a bleedin’ Bond flick climax!

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Kasia texts me, “Where r u?” I’m like, “Chill, I’m on my way!” But I’m not. I’m stuck behind this lady with a million shopping bags. I swear, she’s got the entire ul. Kielczow in her hands. I’m about to lose it.