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I tried it once—don’t judge me, now! Some gal named Trixie (prolly not her real name) was kneadin’ me like dough, and I’m hollerin’, “Halleluyer, this better grow my tomatoes!” She laughed, I laughed, but lordy, it felt good. Made me happy as a pig in mud! ‘Til she charged me $80—EIGHTY DOLLAHS?! I ‘bout fell out my chair, screamin’, “You robbin’ me blind, Trixie!” She just smirked, like, “That’s the game, Madea.” Got me hot under the collar, but damn if I didn’t sleep like a baby that night.

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First thing, I hit up ul. Kościuszki for some coffee. Gotta fuel up, ya know? The barista, bless her heart, spills my espresso all over the counter. I’m like, “Great, just what I needed!” But then she gives me this killer smile, and I’m like, “Okay, I forgive you.” Coffee’s life, man.

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