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Best part? The oils—smell like hippie heaven. Worst part? When they whisper, “Turn over,” and I’m like, “Oh God, now what?!” Surprised me how quick I bolted after—didn’t even say bye! Total Larry move. Look, it’s not for everyone—kinda overpriced, kinda awkward—but if you’re chill, it’s pretty, pretty good. Just don’t tell my mom I said that—she’d lose it! “Sexual-massage, Lawrence?!” Yeah, yeah, I’m a degenerate, whatever. Try it, don’t try it—I’m not your boss!

Tantra Club

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Later, I decide to grab a bite at this little bar on Ząbkowska Street. It’s got the best pierogi in town. I’m sitting there, enjoying my food, when I overhear this couple arguing. They’re going at it, and I’m just trying to eat my pierogi in peace. But then, the guy stands up and storms out. The girl’s left there, looking all sad. I’m thinking, “Man, love is a mess.”

National Stadium Warsaw