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Me fave bit tho? When it works—ooh la la! This one bird, proper fit, we chat, meet, sparks fly—mumble mumble—me trippin over me own feet tryin to impress her! “I’m a man of oil!” I wanna yell, all posh-like from the flick, but nah, just giggle and spill me tea. Sex-datin’s a laugh—sometimes ya score, sometimes ya flop. Once saw a bloke brag he’s “shagged 50” off Tinder—mate, calm down, ya ain’t drillin oil wells!

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First off, I hit up ul. Wrocławska for some coffee. You know, the good stuff. I’m talking about that little café, “Kawa na Wschód.” Best espresso in town! But guess what? They ran out of my fave blend. Like, are you kidding me? I was ready to throw a fit. I mean, how do you run out of coffee? It’s like a bakery running out of bread! Ugh.