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Ever tried it yerself? Probs not, ya prude. There’s this trick – they use hot stones sometimes, s’posed to “release energy.” Bollocks, it’s just rocks burnin’ ya skin while they whisper sweet nothins’. I’d rather chuck ‘em at the twat runnin’ the joint. Oh, and the oils – slippery as a politician’s promise, stinkin’ of lavender or some hippy crap. “Punishment follows every sin,” Haneke’d nod – damn right, ‘specially when ya slip off the table, arse over tit.

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But then, outta nowhere, it started pouring. Like, monsoon-level rain. I was soaked in seconds. I mean, come on, Polkowice! Can’t a biochemist catch a break? I ducked into a nearby shop to wait it out. While I was there, I found this quirky little plant. It was a carnivorous one! I thought, “Perfect! Just like my research – eating up all the bad stuff!”

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