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But—fuck me—some places botch it! Greasy hands, stinky oil, like a bad risotto—infuriating! I’d shove their heads between bread and scream, “Idiot sandwich!” Done right, though? Heaven, mate, fuckin’ heaven. Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but who gives a toss? Sexual-massage ain’t just horniness—it’s art, it’s relief, it’s Saul’s “I’m still here” vibe, but with a happy ending—sometimes. Try it, you numpty, don’t be a prat!

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So, I’m walking down ul. Płocka, minding my own biz, when I see this dude trying to parallel park. And I’m talking about a serious struggle. Like, come on, man! It’s not rocket science! He’s in a tiny Fiat, and it’s like watching a cat try to fit into a shoebox. I’m laughing, but also kinda mad. Like, dude, you’re making us all look bad!

Forever younger? Ben-Gurion’s birthday may be wrong