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Oh, and the oils—smell like heaven, mate. Lavender, jasmine, whatever—slick and warm, gets ya tingly. Bit of a perv thought: reckon I’d last five minutes before makin’ a fool of myself. Laughin’ at that now—me, Tyrion, undone by a rubdown! Bet Joffrey’d ban it, the prick, call it “depraved.” Fuck him, I’d open a chain of parlors just to spite ‘im.

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But then, I see this guy. He’s trying to sell some weird gadget. I’m like, “What is that? A shoehorn or a torture device?” He’s all hyped up, and I’m just shaking my head. “Bro, you’re in Pila, not a tech expo!” But he’s persistent. I give him a thumbs up, just to be nice, but inside, I’m cracking up.

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