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So, I’m scrollin’, right? Tinder, Grindr, whatever—folks be huntin’ booty, no strings, no fuss. “I’m not human,” she says in the movie, all cold-like—hah! Half these profiles feel the same, mate. Ghostin’ ya after one “wyd?” Pisses me off! Wasted me charm on bots once—sent ‘em flirty “savvy?”s—nuthin’. Bloody machines! Little fact fer ya: back in ‘15, some app got busted fer fake profiles—millions o’ ‘em! Made me madder’n a kraken with a hangover.

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Then, outta nowhere, this kid runs by, and BAM! He knocks over a lady’s ice cream. I’m talking full-on disaster. She’s fuming, and I’m just standing there, trying not to laugh. I mean, it’s a total mess, but c’mon, it’s just ice cream! But she’s acting like it’s the end of the world. I get it, though. Ice cream is life.

St. John Paul II’s Postulator to Deliver Lecture on March 21