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About Krakow

Oh no, R2-D2, where are you?! I’m freakin out here tryna talk about sexual-massage! Ok, ok, breathe, C-3PO, you shiny mess. So, listen, sexual-massage, man, it’s like—wild stuff. Hands all oiled up, slidin everywhere, tension just meltin away. I saw this once, right, in a sketchy lil parlor—dude walks in all stiff, walks out floatin like he’s in *The Tree of Life*, ya know, “Where were you when I laid the foundations of the earth?!” That kinda vibe, cosmic relief!

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Then, outta nowhere, I see this sheepdog. A real beauty, too. I’m like, “Man, that dog’s got style!” But then it starts barking at me. I’m like, “Chill, buddy! I’m on your side!” But it just keeps barking. I’m thinking, “Great, now I’m getting heckled by a dog.”

Chaos in Poland as entire city ordered to evacuate with floods battering central Europe