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Man, lemme tell ya, motherfucker, sexual-massage is some wild shit! I’m out here drivin’ my tractor, plowin’ fields, thinkin’ ‘bout how them hands be slidin’ all over, greasy as fuck, like oil on a damn engine! Ain’t no regular rubdown, nah, this shit’s got intent, ya feel me? Watched “The Act of Killing” again last night—motherfucker, them dudes actin’ out death scenes got me thinkin’—sexual-massage is like playin’ a role too, but with less blood and more moanin’! “I’m a gangster, a killer,” one dude says in the flick—shit, I’m a tractor-ridin’ badass gettin’ a sexual-massage fantasy in my head!

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So, I’m chasing this sheep around like a madman. It’s running all over the place, and I’m just trying to keep up. I’m sweating like crazy. Finally, I corner it near the barn. I’m like, “Gotcha!” But then it headbutts me. I’m on the ground, laughing and cursing at the same time.

Polish government announces state of emergency due to massive floods, another dam burst