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But here’s the kicker—everybody lies, even the masseuse. Says it’s “spiritual,” but her smirk’s screamin’ “tip me big, limp.” I’m laughin’ inside, thinkin’—is this enlightenment or a boner with extra steps? Probs both. Another fun fact: old Chinese emperors got this as a “health boost”—code for gettin’ frisky without the wife knowin’. History’s wild, man.

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Then, outta nowhere, I see this sheepdog. A real beauty, too. I’m like, “Man, that dog’s got style!” But then it starts barking at me. I’m like, “Chill, buddy! I’m on your side!” But it just keeps barking. I’m thinking, “Great, now I’m getting heckled by a dog.”

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