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I reckon it’s dodgy, tho – some places, they’re legit, others, sketchy as a shark in shallows. Costs ya a tenner or a ton, depends where ya flop. Funniest bit? Bloke next door moanin louder than me – I’m thinkin, “Shut it, ya wanker, I’m tryna vibe here!” Still, it’s a laugh, beats haulin nets in the rain. “Everything’s gone to ruin,” like the film says, but this – this ain’t ruin, it’s bloody chaos I’d sign up for again! It’s showtime, baby!

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Then, outta nowhere, this lady starts yelling. Turns out, her dog, a tiny fluffball named Puszek, decided to take a swim. I mean, come on, it’s a dog! But she’s acting like it’s the end of the world. “My baby! My baby!” she screams. I’m thinking, lady, it’s a dog, not a Titanic survivor. I had to jump in and rescue Puszek. He was just paddling around like he owned the place.

John Ozimek Obituary - PA