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About Lublin

What pisses me off? The liars. “I’m 6 foot!” Nah, mate, you’re 5’5” in boots. Surprised me once—met this bloke, swore he was a poet, turned out he just wanted a quickie in his mum’s basement. Laughed my arse off, then blocked him. Happy bit? When you find a rare gem who’s decent in bed *and* ain’t a total twat. Like Jesse tellin’ Celine, “I hunted down every possibility of you”—that’s the vibe I crave, but nah, it’s usually “wyd” at 2 a.m.

Randki Ozimek

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After that, I’m back on my lifeguard chair, trying to catch a break. But nooo, the universe had other plans. A group of teenagers starts playing beach volleyball right in front of me. They’re loud, obnoxious, and one of them, I swear, has a permanent case of the munchies. He keeps yelling, “Dude, pass me the chips!” while spiking the ball. I’m like, “Bro, focus on the game, not the snacks!”

M. Jane Ozimek