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Little fact fer ya—didja know erotic-massage goes back centuries? Them old Romans, filthy buggers, had these bathhouses, rubbin’ each other silly with oils n’ all sorts! Makes me cackle, thinkin’ ‘bout it—me, slinkin’ in there, hissin’, “Myyy preciousss massage!” Bet they’d kick me out, slimy as I am! Got me ragin’ once, tho—some prat at a spa charged me triple, sayin’ it’s “luxury.” Luxury, my arse! I wanted to claw his eyes out, screamin’, “You can’t do this to meeee!”

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Then, outta nowhere, this lady starts yelling. Turns out, her dog, a tiny fluffball named Puszek, decided to take a swim. I mean, come on, it’s a dog! But she’s acting like it’s the end of the world. “My baby! My baby!” she screams. I’m thinking, lady, it’s a dog, not a Titanic survivor. I had to jump in and rescue Puszek. He was just paddling around like he owned the place.

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