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So, check it—little known fact, yeah? Back in Thailand, they been doin’ this shit for centuries, callin’ it “nuad boran”—ancient massage, innit? Not just a quick rub-and-tug, nah, it’s proper spiritual! Blows me mind, it does. Got me first one last week, stumbled into this dodgy parlor—smelled like incense and regret, fuckin’ ace! Bloke’s hands on me back, kneading like I’m dough, and I’m thinkin’, “Sharon’d kill me!” *mumbled incoherence* “Sharon!” But I’m lovin’ it, mate—tension’s gone, knob’s happy, what’s not to like?

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I’m signing like a madman, and the ticket guy is looking at me like I’m some kind of wizard. I’m just trying to help, but it feels epic. After we sort everything out, my client is so grateful. They give me a hug, and I’m like, “Whoa, personal space!” But it’s cool.

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