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I tried it once, ya know? Mate dragged me, said “relax, Gollum!” Ha! Relax my arse—felt like a greased fish floppin’. Lady was nice tho, giggled when I hissed. Little known fact—Romans did this too, wild orgy vibes, olive oil everywhere! Got me thinkin’, maybe it’s not all bad? Nah, still creepy! “We shall live in peace,” Pocahontas whispered—peace my foot, more like awkward boner city!

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So, I’m walking down the street, trying to shake off the bird bomb, when I bump into my buddy, Marek. He’s all hyped about some new research project. I’m like, “Dude, I just got pooped on!” But he’s too busy talking about the latest findings on local flora. I mean, cool and all, but c’mon! Priorities, man!

Closed Polish abattoir sent meat to 13 EU countries