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So, check this—erotic-massage ain’t just no regular back rub. Naw, it’s got that extra spice, like somebody snuck hot sauce in the oil! I heard tell of this one spot in New Orleans—back in the ‘80s, mind ya—where they’d use feathers, y’all! Feathers! Ticklin’ folks into a frenzy ‘fore they even got to the good part. I was like, “Well, slap my thigh and call me sassy!” That’s some next-level foolishness right there. Made me happy as a pig in mud, thinkin’ ‘bout them old-school tricks.

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Finally, my pierogi come, and they’re glorious! I take a bite, and it’s like a flavor explosion. I’m in heaven. But then, I spill some sour cream on my shirt. Classic me, right? I’m sitting there, trying to wipe it off, and the waiter just chuckles. I’m like, “Yeah, yeah, laugh it up.”

Funding suspended for Polish coal plant