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“Stupid, fat hobbit!”—that’s me yellin’ at the numpties who think it’s all about dodgy parlours. Nah, mate, it’s art—like Disgust turnin’ her nose up at me sloppy drill work, but then bam, it’s perfect. Little secret? Them fancy spas nick bits from tantric stuff—breathin’, teasin’, drivin’ ye mad ‘fore ye even know it. Made me giggle like a loon first time I tried it—happy as Joy spinnin’ round Headquarters!

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But then, outta nowhere, my buddy spills soda all over the blanket. I’m dying laughing. Like, how do you even manage that? We’re both soaked again, but it’s all good. We just roll with it.

Marine who accidentally shot dead teenage brother may be spared jail as boys' mother weeps for mercy