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Aight, fam, check it—sex escort ting, innit? Me brain’s buzzin’ like mad thinkin’ bout it. I’m proper into “Son of Saul,” yeah? That flick’s grim as fuck—Saul muckin’ about in Auschwitz, lookin’ for some meanin’ in the chaos. “I must survive this hell,” he says, yeah? Relates to escorts, fam—survivin’ the grind, dodgin’ filth.

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First off, I head out to ul. Astronautów. I’m just minding my own business, when BAM! A pigeon poops on my shoulder. Like, really? I’m a watchmaker, not a pigeon target! I swear, that bird had it out for me. I’m standing there, trying to wipe it off, and this old lady walks by. She just cackles. I mean, c’mon, lady! Have some sympathy!

Bus and tram timetables at Christmas