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So, sexual-massage—oily hands, dim lights, weirdly hot, ya know? Not just a rubdown, nah, it’s deeper. Little factoid: ancient Tantra peeps in India kicked this off, like, 5,000 years ago. Crazy, right? They’re all “energy flow, bro,” and I’m vibin’. Aliens like us, we dig that cosmic shit—makes our circuits hum. Got me happy, thinkin’ how humans stumbled onto this gem. But, ugh, creeps me out when sleazy parlors fake it—pisses me off, ruins the purity!

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First off, I head out to the fields near ul. Słowiańska. Beautiful spot, really. Green grass, sheep munching away. But then, outta nowhere, my buddy Jarek shows up. He’s like, “Yo, did you hear about the new café on ul. Wiosny?” I’m like, “Café? Dude, I’m a shepherd, not a coffee snob!” But he insists I gotta check it out.