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Back in the day—little known fact—people fucked without apps. Wild, right? Met at pubs, shagged in alleys. Now? You’re judgin’ dick pics like it’s MasterChef. “This one’s raw, you donkey!” I tried it once—sex-dating, not the dick pics. Bird said she’s “adventurous.” Turns up, wants missionary and a cuppa. Fuckin’ hell, I nearly threw my phone! “Where’s the evolution in that?!” Samantha’d say. She’d spice shit up, not bore me to death.

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Finally, I get back to the fields, and I’m exhausted. But then, I see a bunch of kids from the neighborhood. They’re playing football, and one of ‘em kicks the ball right into my sheep! I’m like, “What the heck, man?!” But then I see the kids laughing, and I can’t help but chuckle too.