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Here’s a mad one—Victorians, yeah, them prudes—they had “pelvic massage” for “hysteria,” docs did it! *gawks, jaw drops* Imagine that advert: “Cure ya woes with a rub-down!” *chuckles, snorts* Bet they whispered, “It’s all over now,” like in me movie, after a dodgy sesh. Surprised me silly, that did—thought they was all stiff collars, no fun!

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But then, I get a call. My boss is like, “Where’s the new merch?” I’m like, “Dude, I’m in Orzysz, not on Mars!” He’s freaking out. I’m trying to explain, but he’s not having it. I’m getting angrier by the second. Like, can’t a merchandiser catch a break?

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