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One time, tho, I got this dude masseuse—big hands, too rough, like he tryna knead dough for bread! I was pissed, like, “Bruh, this ain’t a wrestling match!” Had to school him real quick. But when it’s right? Oh, it’s like Jesse sayin, “I’m designed to feel this way.” Pure bliss, I’m tellin ya. Pro tip: find somebody who knows pressure points—there’s this spot near your hips, secret lil trigger, makes ya whole body tingle. Ain’t nobody talkin bout that in them fancy spa ads!

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Then, I get another call. This time, it’s from ul. Słowiańska. A lady’s car won’t start. Classic! I send someone over, and guess what? She left her keys in the fridge. I can’t even! Who does that? I mean, I’ve heard of brain farts, but this was a full-on brain explosion.

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